Mischief and Merriment
by MelanthiaChase
Summary: Fili and Kili are brothers and the best of friends who have endured much and enjoyed much more in their lives. This will be a collection of short stories and one-shots exploring the lives of our favorite Dwarven brothers. The story is AU with no romances or bromances but all sorts of brotherly love.
1. Mad Dash

**Fili and Kili belong to the great master J.R.R. Tolkien. Only original characters and situations belong to me.**

**Mad Dash**

Fili had finished dressing for the day when he heard a commotion in the hallway followed by curses in _Khuzdul_. He went to his door and opened it a sliver to investigate and was surprised to feel it yanked out of his grasp when his younger brother wrenched it open and dashed inside.

"Hide me brother, Dorin is after me." He explained breathlessly and Fili closed the door and locked it before he turned to his brother with a smile.

"I take it your evening walk with Griselda turned into something more?" He asked rhetorically and Kili grinned wolfishly before he went to his brother's wardrobe and took out a tunic and pants. He'd had to leave a few articles of clothing behind when Griselda's father had caught him in her bed.

"Doesn't it always brother? I do not know why Dorin got so worked up, it's not like I'm the first to plow that furrow." He laughed heartily and Fili laughed with him. He was right of course. Griselda was not known for her chastity.

"Kili! You coward! Come out here and face me!" Dorin yelled as he pounded on Fili's door and he motioned for Kili to hide under the bed but Kili, offended by being called a coward, moved to the door and opened it.

"Be careful who you call a coward Dorin. I am here to face you, speak your peace and be done with it." Kili spoke calmly and Fili smiled at his brother. If there was one way to enrage his brother it was to call him a coward.

"You are a disgrace to your line, to use an innocent maiden so selfishly... You don't deserve to call yourself a dwarf. I expect you to walk back to my daughter's rooms and beg for her to become your bride. I will not have my daughter live in shame!" He shouted and Kili had to stifle a laugh but Fili snorted at the mention of "innocent". With a shake of his head Kili removed the amused look from his face and looked at Dorin with all seriousness.

"Master Dorin, I truly am sorry that you learned of your daughter's unchaste behavior in such a way but I must defend myself. Griselda is far from the innocent maid your claim her to be, ask any of the young dwarves she "walks" with in the evenings. A walk with Griselda is a guaranteed evening of fun. Now, I was going to leave discreetly and save your pride and your daughter's reputation but you decided to run through the halls acting mad. From what I see, any disgrace rests on your shoulders." Kili explained calmly and with dignity while Dorin turned red with impotent rage.

"Then I suppose this was just a misunderstanding. I'd be grateful if you kept this between us and remained discreet." Dorin choked out and Kili smiled and patted the older dwarf on the shoulder.

"Think nothing of it Dorin. Have a good day." Kili moved back and closed the door in the other dwarf's face before He turned to his brother with a grin.

"I don't know why you keep doing this brother. This is the third outraged father this month. Before you know it one of them is going to make you marry their daughter." Fili told his brother who flopped on his brothers feather bed and laid back with his arms beneath his head.

"If that happens I'll just go forward and make my fortunes on the open road. I'm sure there are plenty of untouched maids ready for my attentions and adventures to have. You should come with me brother. Imagine what we could do, out in that world together!" He enthused and Fili chuckled as he leaned against the wall by his bed.

"It is a wonderful dream brother and someday we will live it. For now you just need to stop getting caught. It's fine to just leave after your done." Fili explained and Kili shook his head with a chuckle.

"Oh brother, what's the fun in that? Nothing like a midnight shag to wake your loins. It's worth being discovered. Spend the night next time you're with the fair Emeralda. You won't regret it." Kili told his brother with a grin and Fili laughed before he grabbed his pillow and forcefully shoved it onto his brother's face.

Fili ran through the halls of the mountain, hastily throwing on the clothes he was able to grab. He was glad he was spritely for a dwarf because Baldur was a vicious dwarf to those who crossed him and Fili had definitely crossed him. He rounded a corner and to his surprise found his brother already up and dressed for a day of melee practice. Grabbing his brother by the shoulders he stopped his progress and spoke breathlessly.

"Help me brother. Death flies behind me." At that moment a loud and angry bellow rose from the angry dwarf behind and Kili quickly opened and door and threw his brother inside, not caring what was on the other side. Barely a second had passed since he closed the door when Baldur rounded the corner and saw him standing there. The angry dwarf who, as Kili could now see, was wielding a wicked axe stopped in front of him and remembered to bow.

"Lord Kili, forgive my haste but I am in pursuit of the rascal who has defiled my dear daughter. Have you seen your brother?" The dwarf asked and Kili pretended to think on it.

"Not since last eve Master Baldur. I say he can often be found in the rock gardens when trying to escape unpleasant things." He lied and the other dwarf nodded.

"Many thanks Lord Kili." Baldur thanked him with a final bow before he took off down the hallway with as much haste as before and Kili smiled as he turned to the door behind him and opened it.

"Brother, it's safe." He told his brother who had finished dressing and was still looking harried. "It was worth it?"

"Most definitely worth it brother." Fili grinned and Kili walked over and slung an arm around his brother's shoulders before he led him out of the room. They had to get Fili back to his rooms before Baldur got wise to the lie. His axe was sharp and his temper was short.

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**…**

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**Author's Note: **This will be a series of one-shots concerning the lives of Kili and Fili. Most will take place before the Journey but some events will take place during. Expect a mostly light-hearted tone with the occasional bout of seriousness. I will try to update often and I hope you enjoy the stories as I present them.


	2. Bullies and Bogies

**Fili and Kili belong to the master J.R.R. Tolkien. Original characters and storylines belong to me.**

**Bullies and Bogies**

Kili breathed in the fresh air as he left the halls of stone. It was the first bright day after a long and harsh winter and all he desired was a chance to work with his bow. Thorin insisted that he become skilled with the weapon, considering that the best and most formidable warriors could use any weapon in their arsenal and he wanted his nephew to be formidable. As he started walking he heard the unmistakable voices of young dwarves and it sounded like they were heckling one younger. He moved stealthily toward the voices and saw four of the older dwarves surround Glar, the youngest child of Glis and Kili's apprentice archer. Kili may not have been an expert in the craft quite yet but he saw no harm in teaching the basics to one so young. He moved ever closer but stayed back to watch how Glar handled himself. If Kili needed to step in, he would but it was better to teach the young dwarf to fight his own battles.

"Look at the pretty little maid with her toy. Did your sister make it for you from pieces of her loom?" The question caused the older dwarf's thickheaded compatriots to laugh and Kili rolled his eyes. Couldn't they come up with something more original?

"Did your sister braid your hair?" The younger dwarf retorted and Kili stifled a laugh. Glis' son had the sharpest tongue of any dwarfling he'd ever met, almost as sharp as his own.

"You...you have no right to talk to me that way, you're just a weak little elf-maiden who's afraid to fight That's why you play with that bow. You're a coward." At this line of talk Kili pursed his lips together. He'd heard it all before but had proven himself to be skilled in sword as well as axe so the taunts proved meaningless but as a young dwarfling they'd cut to the quick.

"Are you calling Lord Kili a coward as well or King Thorin or your Uncle Dwalin? They all handle a bow, and do it with skill." Glar pointed out and Kili allowed himself a small chuckle. Leave it to the lad to come to the defense of others.

"Shut your trap!" The older one shouted and Kili saw Glar smile triumphantly before the bully grabbed his bow and broke it over his knee, causing the younger dwarf's face to contort in devastation. Kili was enraged by such disregard for the young dwarf's property and was about to come out of hiding to soundly thump the older bullies when Glar gathered himself up and stared his bully directly in the eye.

"You shouldn't have done that Norn. Don't you know that breaking a weapon in spite sends the baalruun after you?" The younger dwarf asked while Norn's brow furrowed.

"Baalruun? I've never heard of such a thing. You're making this up." He said a bit uncertainly and Glar shook his head solemnly.

"If you'd paid attention in Master Bombur's lessons you would know of the creature I speak. The baalruun is made of shadows, dark and deep that envelope a cruel, spiteful, dwarf when he least expects it. Once it has its prey it whisks the dwarf away to the lands of darkness where they must live their long days without the warmth of the fire or the love of kin. Watch your back Norn, it will be coming for you. In fact I just saw the shadows move by the bush at the mouth of the cave." He told Norn and the older dwarf looked to the bushes, where Kili happened to be hiding, and suddenly made a mad dash toward the training grounds with his lunkheaded friends following behind. Glar sighed and picked up his bow, staring at it mournfully before he stuffed it into his quiver and began to trudge back to the mouth of the mountain. He walked past Kili, not even noticing his mentor within the shade of the bushes and continued on, his feet as heavy as his heart and Kili felt for him. He decided that the dwarfling would be avenged, he'd just have to get Fili's help to do so.

…

"I talked to Bofur and he'll have the horn done for us by midday. Mother gave me the cloaks, we just have to promise not to destroy them." Fili informed his brother as Kili sat at his work table, carving intricate designs on the training bow he had once used. It seemed a fitting replacement for Glar's lost weapon.

"Thank you brother. Did you tell Mother why we needed the cloaks?" Kili asked, not wishing to bring his mother's wrath down upon them.

"Not the entire story but she is in agreement that something needs to be done to the young rascals. Glar is far from their only victim." Fili told his brother as he sat next to him and began working on the arrows Kili had set up to work on after he'd finished the bow. "He's the only victim to fight back with words though. The baalruun? Such a clever tale."

"Indeed, he's a smart lad full of fanciful stories and already has a head full of wisdom. He would be better suited to be a bard than a warrior." Kili praised the dwarfling before he blew sawdust out of his final carving.

"Who says he cannot be both? I have finished these arrows, should we prepare the cloaks?" Fili asked his brother who nodded.

"Yes we should. The baalruun stalks this night." He grinned at his brother before they broke into hearty laughter. They were going to make Norn pay for mocking those he thought weak.

…

Norn walked through the halls of stone nervously as he made his way to his family's rooms. He'd been jumpy all day and that made him angry. He'd taken his anger out on his friends, who wound up deserting him out of pure self-preservation, and on any dwarflings unlucky enough to cross his path. Once his friends were gone he'd ventured into the tutors' rooms to seek out Master Bombur to find out about the baalruun but the large dwarf had already been gone by the time he arrived and the other tutors were annoyed by his presence so he'd been cast out. He had determined that the only thing to do to protect himself would be to go home and hide under his bed until the break of the new day. Then he'd have to seek out Glar and beat him to a pulp for scaring him so. He was lost in thought as he turned a corner and almost missed the shuffling sound that preceded him in the hallway. He stopped, his heart choked with fear and started violently when he heard it again, this time louder. That was all it took and he raced down the corridor only to see two, large billowing shapes rushing toward him and emitting an eerie sound. Being the fool he was he rushed toward them and was suddenly enveloped in darkness and his brain did what any sensible brain would do. He voided his bladder and fainted.

…

After Fili and Kili dropped an unconscious Norn off at his family's quarters and made sure he was well. They also told a thrilling tale about saving him from a ravening attack by cobwebs. Once they left Norn with his fretting mother they retreated to Kili's room to enjoy the feeling of accomplishment and continue working on Glar's bow. They had much work to do still and not very much time to complete it in.

…

Three days later Glar walked onto the practice fields. His father had told him that Lord Kili wanted to work with him and his stomach turned in knots. Not only had he failed to defend himself from those lunkheaded louts but he'd lost the bow he'd scrimped and saved and worked hard to purchase for himself. He was sure Lord Kili would turn him out in disgrace and sneer at him for his failures. He did not expect the wide grin and kind eyes on the older dwarf when he walked to the target range.

"Glar! It's good to see you lad, you've been absent of late." Kili greeted and Glar's stomach turned again.

"Ummm, Lord Kili...I can't practice with you today, you see..." He started then floundered and Kili gave him a kind smile.

"I see you're missing a valuable component to archery young master." Kili said curiously and Glar hung his head lower.

"It's my fault Lord Kili. I was being teased by Norn and he broke my bow when I teased back. I know I should have fought harder to protect my bow." The young dwarf said and made to turn but Kili stopped him.

"From the sounds of it you did the right thing. Were you outnumbered?" Kili asked and Glar nodded, suddenly more confident. "Sometimes the best course of action is to just stand still, fighting is not always the answer. It is not cowardice to turn away from an unfair fight, it's survival. You did well and it shows that my gift for you has come at the perfect time."

"Gift sir?" Glar asked and Kili walked to the target and brought out a bit of cloth wrapped around a familiar shape. He placed it in Glar's hands and motioned for him to open it and the excited dwarfling pulled back the cloth and gasped. "This is for me?"

"Yes Master Glar, your technique has improved and you're learning at an excellent pace. I believe you are ready for a heavier bow." Kili told Glar and the lad reverently set his new bow and arrows down and ran to Kili, hugging him tightly while Kili hugged back and grinned. "Alright, enough of that. Show me how you string your new bow."

Glar disengaged and with a wide smile he rushed back to his bow and strung it with the hands of an archer. In time he'd be comparable to Kili and, if Kili were a good enough teacher, Glar would surpass him. Kili couldn't wait for that day and beamed with pride as Glar's first arrow flew and came to rest next to one he'd loosed earlier. It appeared that Glar was well on his way to that goal and Kili would do what he could to help the dwarfling achieve it.


	3. The Path to Adventure

**Fili and Kili belong to the master J.R.R. Tolkien. Original characters and storylines belong to me.**

**The Path to Adventure**

"You see, I've never been out of the Shire before. This is overwhelming to say the least." Bilbo spoke to the youngest dwarf who smiled at their hobbit companion. "I'm not the traveler you and yours are."

"Is that what you think Master Baggins? That we are travelers and vagabonds?" Kili asked and Bilbo didn't know how to respond so Kili continued. "That is just not so, my brother and I have never been farther from our home than we are right now."

"Really? I assumed all of you were travelers and this was just an extended journey for you." Bilbo told him and Kili just chuckled and shook his head before he shouted to his brother who rode ahead.

"Fili! Our hobbit friend has very strange notions about us!" His voice rang clear and fili moved from the formation and rode back to join his brother and their companion.

"What are those notions dear brother?" Fili asked and Bilbo looked flustered and nervous. He sincerely hoped that he hadn't offended the dwarves.

"He thinks we're all vagabonds and travelers, more at home on the road than away from it." He smiled and Fili laughed at the notion.

"Oh does he? Well, Master Baggins, would you say all hobbits are accustomed to tending gardens and spending their days smoking pipeweed?" Fili asked and Bilbo considered it for a second.

"I expect so, yes." He told them and it caused the dwarves around them that were listening to chuckle.

"Fair point, but do you expect them all to be farmers?" Fili tried again and Bilbo nodded in understanding.

"I see what you're saying, just because some may be world weary travelers, does not mean that all are. It is quite obvious after the fact." He said with a nod and Fili and Kili both thumped him on the back.

"Indeed, quite obvious, for Kili and I this is our first journey of any magnitude and I would wager that we're just as anxious and excited as you are for this chance to see the world beyond our mountain." Fili grinned at his brother who nudged Bilbo.

"Admit it, Master Baggins, it is exciting to go on an adventure like this." Kili encouraged him and Bilbo smiled.

"It might be exciting, just a smidge mind you, just a smidge exciting. More nerve-wracking though." He added sullenly and both brothers placed comforting hands on his shoulders.

"In time you'll grow into your adventure little burglar, in time." Fili told him before he squeezed Bilbo's shoulder then rode up to his position near Dwalin. When Fili had gone Kili started singing a tavern song and was soon joined by the entire party, save for Bilbo who was wondering just when he would grow into his adventure.

…

Bilbo sat at the fire, tending the small flame when Fili and Kili arrived at his side and dumped wood at his feet. It was the fourth night of their journey and a routine was starting to become established. They would all dismount and strip their ponies then one of the dwarves would start a fire and Bilbo would watch the fire while Fili and Kili retrieved firewood. Then the two scouts would go to the highest point, have a look around then watch over the ponies. During this time Bombur or Bofur would cook the meal, which was too sparse for Bilbo's liking, and the rest would set up the camp. It was comforting to Bilbo who lived a life of routine and order.

"Oy, Bilbo, we need you to come with us." Kili told him and he looked up at the dwarf in confusion.

"Why do you need me?" Bilbo asked and Fili smiled.

"You're light and quick and we need you to be both for us." Fili explained and Bilbo stood. He wasn't sure what the young dwarves needed but if he could be helpful he certainly would be.

"Alright, let's go then." He said and after Ori agreed to watch the fire he followed them as they walked through the forest, being sure to make a path for their smaller companion who was grateful for the assistance.

They walked for at least half a mile in an upward slope before Kili stopped ahead and Bilbo moved beside him. Bilbo looked around, expecting to see...something...but was just treated to the sight of a night time forest. He was about to say something before Kili shushed him and he heard rustling and looked up to see Fili climbing the tree in front of them. The dwarf made it up quite far until cracking was heard and a curse from Fili. A few moments later he slid down the trunk and looked at Kili.

"Did you get up any farther?" He asked and Fili shook his head.

"No, but more wood for the fire should be falling momentarily." He said before she shook pine needle from his hair then looked at Bilbo. "You climb trees, right? That's something hobbits do?"

Fili asked the hobbit who nodded. Yes, hobbits climbed trees and were quite good at it but Bilbo hadn't climbed in quite some time. As he looked up to the never-ending branches of the tree he was sure he was happy to keep it that way.

"Well?" Kili asked and Bilbo swallowed as he realized exactly what was expected of him.

"Yes, hobbits are natural climbers but it's been a long time since I've climbed and-" He started but was cut off.

"Good, up you go." Kili said before he and his brother hoisted Bilbo up to the low branches. He stayed there for a moment before Kili continued. "Just climb as far up as you can and have a look around, if you see anything out of the ordinary shout down to us."

"What's out of the ordinary?" He asked and Kili smiled.

"You'll know, climb safely Bilbo." Fili told him and Bilbo took a deep breath before he started to climb. With each branch his confidence grew and he felt like a youngster again climbing ever higher into the night sky. Soon the branches became sparse and he realized he was very near the top of the tree. Once he realized that he stopped and looked around him as his eyes widened,

He was awestruck by the sight spread out before him. By the light of the half moon he saw the great forest spread ahead of him and smoke coming from the hearths of houses far off. It was the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen and it bolstered his courage. They had traveled far and had further still to go but as long as there were fires and hearths to be seen he'd know home wasn't lost.

"Bilbo! Do you see anything!" Kili's shout snapped Bilbo back to his present location and he looked around. He didn't spot anything out of the ordinary.

"Nothing out of the ordinary here!" Bilbo shouted back before he gave one last look to the sight around him and sighed then started climbing down. Once he reached the lowest branches he let go and was caught in the arms of the brothers who set him down gently.

"What did you see at the top?" Fili asked with a kind smile and Bilbo smiled back.

"I saw the world, I saw home." He said quietly and both brothers nodded before Fili started down the hill where they were standing.

"Let's head back to camp and see if Bombur has made any food and left it for the rest of us." Fili ordered his companions and they followed behind.

"Are you excited for the journey now my friend?" Kili asked as he slung an arm around the hobbit's shoulder's.

"I dare say I'm getting there." Bilbo said cheerfully and Kili laughed before he squeezed Bilbo's shoulder then moved away. While Bilbo walked back to camp his mind wandered, as it often did, to his hole, his larder and his favorite pipeweed and for the first time since the journey started his heart didn't hurt quite as badly.

* * *

...

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**Author's note:** I know this is a Bilbo-centric chapter but I feel like he, Fili and Kili share much due to their inexperience. Due to this they probably would gravitate toward each other and form bonds as they tried to find their places on the journey and their roles within the party. The next chapter will again be in the Hobbit time frame and I hope you'll all continue to read and enjoy. Thank you for reading and reviewing!


	4. A Fine Afternoon

**Fili Kili and the rest of the travelers belong to the great master Tolkien. Only original characters and storylines belong to me.**

**A Fine Afternoon**

Fili stood leaned on the balcony overlooking one of the many gardens in Rivendell watching a group of elves tossing a ball around. It looked so silly, so useless but still he found himself envying their carefree attitude. He also found himself admiring the slender elf maidens so fair of face, there was something so exotic about a female without a full beard.

"What ho' brother?" Kili greeted him rather loudly and Fili moved away from the balcony before the elves looked up.

"Don't you know how to hold your tongue?" He asked his younger brother, far harsher than he intended and Kili's face fell a bit.

"I apologize if I disturbed you, I just wanted to see if you felt up to investigating a bit. Maybe we could find some hidden storeroom filled with treasure or rare scrolls." Kili smiled at his brother, all tension forgotten as Fili smiled back.

"Aye, that does sound like fun. I've found a most interesting pastime though and I am want to leave it so soon." He told his brother and Kili automatically became curious.

"What is this activity that trumps exploring in your mind?" He asked and Fili motioned him over as he moved slowly to the balcony. Once there he resumed watching the Elf males and females playing their game. Their lilting voices and tinkling laughs enchanting the young dwarves. "I see, this does seem the better activity."

He grinned at his brother who grinned back as they resumed watching the elves. Kili found his eyes drawn more than once to an elf maiden with fiery hair and fuller hips than her companions and Fili found himself drawn to a dark-haired maiden. Both knew that they would never be in a situation to enjoy the attentions of these lovely females and with Thorin's aversion to elfkind they weren't sure they wanted to. Still they could dream as they watched the game continue. Soon the elves grew tired of their game and disbursed and the dwarved remained at their posts for a moment longer before they too were on their way.

…

"Nothing!" Fili called out to his brother who sighed and replaced the lid on the barrel he was looking into. They'd gone exploring and rather than finding treasures or exotic books and scrolls all they found was the larder which was well stocked and secured and a room with extra linens and herbs meant to smell pleasant. It was a disappointing afternoon. Kili grumbled for a second before noises from outside the room filtered in and he signaled his brother to be quiet and he ducked behind the barrel while his brother did the same.

A few moments later two elven maidens entered the room and each went to a different barrel or shelf while the brothers held their breaths and remained still. Suddenly a tinkling laugh was heard and Kili turned his head to see one of the elf maidens standing over his brother. Her companion looked over and said something in the elven tongue before Fili rose with a sheepish look on his face. The maiden simply smiled and Fili motioned for Kili to rise and he did so.

"Did you get lost on your way to the guest quarters master dwarf?" The elf maiden asked without a hint of condescension but a bit of teasing and Fili found himself smiling in return. They really did have lovely voices.

"No, my lady, we were merely exploring and found this room unlocked. Our apologies if we've stepped out of bounds." Fili respectfully apologized before he bowed and Kili looked away from him and found the maiden with the hair of fire standing above him.

"No apologies necessary, this is merely the linen storage. If you wish to see more of Imladris Meltoriel and I would be pleased to show you our home." The maiden told Fili who smiled wide. "First, what is your name sir dwarf?"

"I am Fili of the line of Durin and that is my brother Kili. At your service." Fili bowed low and Kili did the same while the elf maiden before him bowed as well.

"Well met, Kili of the line of Durin. As stated I am Meltoriel and my companion is Naerwen. We are at your service as well." She smiled at Kili who nodded in thanks.

"We would love to see your home." He answered for his brother and the maidens giggled shyly before they nodded and led the brothers from the room.

…

It was not until dinner rolled around that evening that Fili and Kili were seen by their companions. The rest of the party had spent their day enjoying baths and a nearly endless supply of honey cakes and soft feather beds, feeling spoiled by the luxury and almost overwhelmed by it. They had been so attuned to their own pleasures that they'd rarely thought about their missing companions. Now that they saw the brothers there was a sudden curioiusity.

"Fili! Kili! Where were you lads? You missed a hearty lunch, hardly any greens." Bofur asked good naturedly and the brothers grinned at each other before they joined the other dwarves at the table.

"We were exploring our surroundings. Nothing more really." Fli answered and Kili grabbed a roll from the bowl on the table.

"It wasn't all that exciting to be honest." Kili added and suddenly Gloin reached over and grabbed something from his hair and raised his eyebrows but said nothing more and Kili was grateful. They would tell of their exploits one day, but today was not the day.

"I doubt your day was as exciting as ours!" Ori began with excitement before he continued. "We were allowed to peruse the library!"

Ori continued to happily chat for awhile longer while the brothers shared amused glances with one another. While they were sure Elrond's library was impressive their afternoon with two elven maidens was the stuff of bawdy tales and they would be happy to tell them when the time was right but for now they listened as the scribe prattled on and found comfort in his obvious happiness. This trip was sure to be harsh at times and happiness was something to be cherished.

* * *

…

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**Author's Note:** Thank you all for reading this story, I hope you're enjoying it. I just wanted to let you know that I might not be able to update as frequently for a few days. I'll be having surgery on Tuesday and I'm not sure how long it will take to recover but I'll be thinking of plots and storylines as I heal. Again, thank you for your interest in my story and I hope to be back with you soon.


	5. Etiquette Lessons

**Fili and Kili belong to the great master Tolkien. Only original characters and storylines belong to me.**

**Etiquette Lessons**

"When greeting someone for the first time, regardless of rank or station, the only appropriate greeting is your name followed by "at your service" this shows that you are friendly and are available to assist them." Balin told the two, bored, young dwarves as they sat at the table in front of him with quills and paper at the ready. "This goes for greeting others of other species as well, even elves, it shows that we are agreeable and above pettiness. Any questions?"

"When can we go back to discussing strategies and the great wars?" Kili asked impatiently and Balin sighed.

"I have told you, young prince, today's lesson is to be on etiquette and behavior befitting a dwarf of your birth and station." He told them and Fili placed his hand on his brother's arm to still his impatience. He had a plan to get some interesting stories from the old dwarf.

"I'm sorry for my brother Master Balin. He just wants to learn of you and uncle's battles. Maybe we could hear a story now, then continue on with the lesson. We promise to be on our best behavior." Fili requested calmly and Balin considered it but gave Kili a hard stare.

"You, young Kili, do you promise to remain still and pay attention to the lesson?" He asked and Kili nodded furiously.

"Yes, yes Master Balin. I promise to be the best dwarf you've ever seen. I'll even practice greetings with Fili." He said energetically and Balin smiled. If one story could get this much cooperation he'd have to break up the lessons more often.

...

_Four Hours Later..._

Dis walked into her home exhausted from the hours at the forge. Several of her companions had been ill which caused her workload to double. Add onto that a row that she'd gotten into with Gloin's wife over the black eye Gimli had given Kili and it all became a bit much for the matriarch. With a sigh of relief she removed her boots then cloak and walked further into the house. The only thing that could make her day better would be to see her rambunctious sons sitting quietly as they finished their lesson. She didn't need their antics at the moment. Cracking her neck and back she walked into the hearth room and felt a headache start at the back of her brain. There were Kili and Fili play fighting with two sticks while Balin told the story of one of the great battles with equally great enthusiasm. Coughing loudly she drew everyone's attention and the lads stopped suddenly and dropped their sticks while Balin coughed as well and looked at Dis with a placating smile on his face.

"Greetings Mother, I am Fili." Fili said politely as he ran to his mother and Kili joined him a moment later.

"I'm Kili!" The younger dwarf said excitedly and both brothers looked at each other before they bowed low.

"At your service!" They both greeted enthusiastically with smiles on their face and Dis felt some of her tension melt away as she looked at her sons.

"Well, Fili and Kili I am Dis and I am equally at yours." She bowed to them and smiled warmly. "Now that the introductions are out of the way, what else did Master Balin teach you?"

"We learned how to dress in the presence of royalty, how to braid our hair the right way, what kinds of food to eat during meetings." Fili said quickly, barely taking a breath.

"Balin also told us about what not to do. We can't pick our noses, or spit, or play with our braids, or throw food or-" Kili listed off with even greater enthusiasm than his brother and Dis smiled indulgently as she put up a hand.

"It sounds like you learned a lot my little ones." She told them as she bent down to kiss their little heads and they grinned proudly. "Go wash up for dinner, I must speak to Balin."

Both dwarflings kissed their mother's sheek before they made a mad dash down the hall to the bathing quarters. Dis rose from her spot and walked to Balin, placing a friendly hand to his shoulder and smiling.

"I must say, when I walked in and saw them play fighting I assumed the worst. I am glad to see they learned a great deal." She told Balin who beamed with pride.

"Aye, they thought they'd get me to tell them stories all day but Fili and Kili made me a deal. If I tell them a story, they'll learn a new lesson. It worked quite well." He puffed his chest out and Dis hit it as she continued to smile.

"That it did, I expect you to have this much success tomorrow when you teach them about seating arrangements in the dining hall. Speaking of which, would you like to stay for dinner? Thorin's coming to see just what the boys have learned." She asked and the older dwarf nodded.

"Aye, that sounds like a fine offer. I just hope he doesn't mind that I told them the story of his first battle." He said with a laugh and Dis laughed with him. Oh Thorin would mind, but that was the fun of it.

* * *

…

* * *

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the long wait. I started another story that held my interest for a while and had a tiny bit of writer's block. I also got a little out of sorts when I found out my surgery had been rescheduled. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story and I encourage you to check out my Kili/OC fic "A Fire Within". Thank you for reading and reviewing. :)


	6. Sweet Tooth

**I own nothing that you recognize. Only original characters and storylines are my own.**

**Sweet Tooth**

Dwarves were well known for their savory dishes and hearty meat based diets. What they weren't know for was pastries and desserts and other sweet things. That's not to say that they didn't like sweet flavors or a honey cake now and again but most could do without. Not Kili though, he was a rather unusual dwarf. He couldn't get enough sweet things and it caused no end of trouble.

"Kili!" The sound of the cook's voice followed the young dwarfling down the hall as he ran with his pilfered goodies tucked carefully under his arm. He finally rounded the corner to his family's rooms and dashed inside. After closing the door behind him he went into his and Kili's rooms and locked the door behind him. Once he knew he was safe he opened the jar and stuck his hand inside.

He smiled as he saw the sweet, golden, honey coating his hand and brought it to his lips. The first honey of summer was always sweet. Even more so when it was pilfered.

…

There are many rituals observed by the dwarven community when they wish to court another. First they must approach the object of their affection and hand over a token of appreciation, usually a bead or a clasp. If it's accepted they are courting. Following this they leave gifts and trinkets outside the door for their beloved whenever the mood strikes them. The usual rule is that only one dwarf may court another at a time but there are always exceptions to the rule and Fili and Kili were exceptions to many rules.

Because Fili was older he was allowed to court prospective partners first and Kili was jealous. Until that time the only dwarf Fili spent any real time with was Kili and the younger brother grew upset by his brother's new interest in other dwarves. Fili knew how to appease his brother though. His first courting partner provided the means.

Ris, the baker's daughter and arguably best looking dwarf girl in the mountain, took a shine to Fili. She liked his golden hair and his easygoing demeanor. Fili liked the food she gifted him and the way her soft beard felt when they stole kisses in the hallway. Kili even grew to like the match because every morning Fili would find honey cakes and sweet rolls still hot from the oven outside their door and he always placed them by Kili's bed. Sweets weren't Fili's favorite thing.

When it became Kili's time to court other dwarves he was unmistakably popular with his fair face and easygoing personality. It did not matter that he had no beard yet, all knew it would come in time and his long dark locks made up for it. Despite his popularity Kili was not an easy dwarf to court. He was often more interested in his bow and training but it didn't take long before the dwarves that were interested discovered the way to the young prince's good graces.

When plates and platters of sweets began to arrive at their doorstep Dis grew concerned. She knew Kili was of the age but courtship had never really been on his mind. Her greatest fear was that he was using the dwarves in order to get sweets. One day she saw him dig into a bag of honey cakes left out with a note and made up her mind to talk to her son. As she sat him down he looked at her with curiosity but remained quiet as she started to speak.

"Kili, you are still young and learning the ways of our people. Because of this fact I've allowed you to make decisions and have ceased interfering in your life but I cannot sit by any longer. I need you to tell me, how many dwarves are you courting?" She asked and Kili reached up to his head and Dis's eyes widened as she saw the braids and trinkets that adorned his head.

"Aris was the first to gift me a bead, then Dorlin, Magda the farrier's daughter, Dorvin, Dorlin's younger brother, Baldun and Rus. That makes six dwarves and one of the human girls from the village, Serobyna if I'm not mistaken." Kili said nonchalantly and took another honey cake out of the bag before Dis rubbed a hand over her face.

"Six, plus a human girl... Do you fancy any of them or are you just stringing them along to recieve treats?" She asked and Kili's eyebrows quirked up. He hadn't thought about it like that and suddenly the honey cake wasn't as sweet as before.

"I like all of them and enjoy spending time with them. I guess I fancy Aris for her coal hair and sly wit and Baldun with his reckless nature and bright smile. I view the rest as friends. What should I do mother?" Kili asked and Dis smiled at her youngest child.

"Give them back their beads first thing tomorrow and go to Aris and Baldun's families to request a more formal courting. If you do this right you'll still have friends." She told him and he nodded.

"I'll miss the sweets but friends are far better to have." He said and Dis merely smiled at his wisdom.

Over the course of the next day Kili severed his courting relationships with most of the dwarves and formally requested permission from others and was pleased with the results. Most were saddened by the fact that they would not be with the prince but they remained friendly and Kili got what he wanted, he got to keep his friends and the sweets kept coming.

…

Kili's love of sweets followed him all the way to Bag End where he raided Bilbo's piles of cakes and rolls and sweets until even Bombur was impressed by how much the young dwarf could tuck in. By his reasoning they'd be on the road enduring harsh weather and comforts would be few and far between so he needed to satisfy his sweet tooth while he still could. He was so intent on getting his fill of sweets that he missed Fili putting several cakes in his pack with a secret smile.

After they left Bag End weeks went by and Kili realized how right he was about comforts being few and far between. The road was long and hard, the weather rough and danger around every corner. On top of that Thorin had decided to criticize his every move and the young dwarf found himself miserable. One night, after a particularly harsh berating by Thorin, Kili was feeling low as he watched over the ponies. He had joined the quest to prove his mettle and rclaim their home that was lost. He admitted to being young and often headstrong but he was brave and loved all in the company. He would die for each of them as readily as Fili or Thorin. Finding an outcropping of rock Kili sat down and picked up a stick which he began carving. A few minutes later he was joined by Fili who had been checking on the ponies.

"Here." Fili said as he handed his brother what turned out to be a very dry, very hard, honey cake and Kili couldn't help but smile. "It's not much but I figured you would need sweets now and again on the journey."

Kili smiled and tentatively took a bit of the cake. It was slightly stale and hard as the rock they were sitting on but it was still sweet and the honey atop in had the consistency of hard candy. He'd never tasted anything so good in his life. He finished the cake and grinned at his brother who smiled back relieved that his gift had made his brother feel better. As he sat down Kili leaned back on the rock and looked at the sky, content in the knowledge that his brother cared for him and in the fact that there were more sweets to be had.


End file.
